I wrote this little list of Mistakes men make during sex back in 2005 and I found it recently and although the language is a bit colorful this list still rings true so enjoy. And Men if you find yourself guilty of any of these acts Uhmmmm STOP IT.
1. BEING OVERLY AGRESSIVE – Don’t be pulling on my clothes and pawing at me when you come through the door, UNLESS you were invited over for the expressed purpose to have sex with me. A woman knows if she wants to give it to you when she meets you, take your time and let it flow. If she giving you no indication you got an in, she probably labeled you just a friend.
2. QUICKIES-women rarely derive pleasure from this, I don’t know a woman who can achieve an orgasm in 5 minutes (without the aid of a device), if you don’t have time to do it right, and or you can’t give a proper spinal tap with the time you have, leave it alone.
3.TAKE YOUR TIME DO IT RIGHT-The more time you got, and the more rounds
you go, the more satisfied you get. I don’t know a woman who likes to do it just once, if you putting it down. The first time is like foreplay, don’t offer up 15 minutes of sex 30 minute nap and a 5 minute nut. Nobody needs that.
4. GOING DOWN HALFWAY – Once you start going down, don’t stop at the belly button, keep going or just don’t go past the neck at all.
5. THAT’S NOT IT – Turn a light on, use the cushion of your fingertips, run you hand over her body, she will tell you when it feels good, nothing is more annoying than foreplay with a man who can’t find your clit or hole for that matter.
6. TRIM YOUR NAILS – Nobody wants they insides stabbed up by a Dude with dirty nails.
CUT EM, WASH THEM, KEEP EM CLEAN!
7. TALKING TOO MUCH- It’s not the S.A.T.S No questions!!! it aint yours, if we love the wood we’ll tell you, and I don’t want to think about my DADDY during sex. That fucks everything up. And while you’re at it
8. DON’T TALK TOO MUCH BEFORE YOU GET IT- a woman knows from when the invite is extended if you’re gonna have sex or not. Half the time, we’re hoping you don’t say nothing stupid, start a argument or talk too much shit that will make us have to take it back.
I recently had an experience with a man whose mouth always seems to get in the middle of our pleasure where we didn’t speak to each other at all. It was one of the best times we have ever spent with each other. We just let our fingers do the talking.
9. LETTING YOUR SWEAT FALL IN MY FACE – Wipe with the sheet, or use your white tee, or take a breather. That sweat getting in your eyes is a mother fucker. If you sweat a lot keep your tee on please.
10. MOVING ALL WILD- Rhythm is very important to getting it poppin, it’s like jumping double dutch and tryna jump in. If the rhythm is off, it fucks up everything. When she catches your rhythm she’ll give it back, but if you moving all crazy how is that gonna happen?
11. SCREAMING TOO LOUD WHEN YOU CUM OR MAKE STRANGE NOISES- Are you crazy? There is nothing that fucks up a mood quicker than this.
12. KEEP YOURSELF CLEAN! – I Know that it might not be terribly easy to catch a shower before coming over, but a real woman freshens up before she gives it away, do the same. Attempt to smell nice, catch that shower after you leave the gym. If you are a smoker, hit those teeth with a toothbrush, or plain tooth paste and water. Please warn us if you haven’t freshened up. And nobody wants to uhm lick on a sweaty man.Make sure your drawers are clean!!! Self Explanatory.
13. TAKE YOUR SOCKS OFF STAY AWHILE- Unless she is one of those chicks who like to fuck you with your timbs on, a woman don’t like to be the only butt naked one in the room.
14. GIVING FACE – Don’t lick it like a popsicle, find the clit and suck it like a lolipop! And Use your fingers
15. BEFORE SEX BROADCASTING – Don’t go bragging on your dick ability. If you’re the only one talking about it you’re not as good as you think. There is nothing like having a man tell you he’s gonna put it down, just to let you down.
16. KEEP IT REAL – Don’t be arrogant enough to NOT follow directions, a real woman will tell you what she wants, all you have to do is listen.
17. EASY CUM EASY GO- Concentrate on making your woman get the Big O, and don’t be selfish, there is nothing that feels better on a man than when you make your woman cum through sex. There is no better feeling of her reaching orgasm at the same time as you, so concentrate on her, and no quick nuts. If you cum to quick that is a major turn off.
18. SIZE DOES MATTER- But you gotta learn to work with what you got. Depending on your size some positions are better than others learn your shit.
19. Please add anything that I forgot.
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