A Couple of weeks ago I was interviewed by Single Edition A Website dedicated to Those of us who are happily single. And Our little site and I was profiled on their site so here is the excerpt from the Interview.
Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?
I think that every situation is different. I am friends with a few of my exes. It is a good thing because once the bad feelings have faded they can be a good resource, when you are taking a sort of “relationship Inventory” of things that you need to work on for your next situation. Whether you choose to remain friends with them or not, it is a necessity that you let the blame of the break up go. If you hold on to the pain of all your failed relationships you will be carrying around so much baggage you’ll need a U-Haul.
Q: Many people get to a point when they simply hate dating. How do you suggest they adjust their attitude?
Take a break. Everyone gets to the point where they are tired of meeting losers or going on an endless string of dates. I know I have been out there thinking, “Where is My Prince Charming Already?” But for me, those are the best times of my life, when I focus on me and my own happiness. I find myself a hobby, or try something new that I always wanted to do. On one of my most recent “Relationship Sabbaticals” I taught myself how to paint. My walls in my place never looked so lively, and it gave me time to clear my head, and get ready to get back on out there. But the main thing is to keep your eye on the prize if love is the goal, you are going to have to kiss a few frogs but it all begins with loving yourself first.
Q: How can guys turn a female friend into a long-term love?
That is a pretty hard question because once a woman has put you in the“Friend Zone” it is hard to get removed from it. The best thing a man can do is to be direct. If you let her know that your interest is to be more than a friend, then it is up to her to decide if that is a plunge that she is willing to take. Ideally every woman would love to be with a man that is their “best-friend,” it makes for a long lasting relationship. And if a true friendship has already been established on love and trust, those are the two most important cornerstones to any long lasting relationship.
Q: Best Online dating tip you offer to bachelors?
Be Truthful, with online dating you never know what to expect. But if you are truthful about what you are really looking for, chances are you will get it. The other thing is for the love of God, don’t lie in your profile. That would include using that picture of you from 10 years and 30 pounds ago. Remember there is a screw for every nut so there is someone out here that is just waiting for you just as you are.
Q: Please tell us how nice guys can finish first…
In soo many ways. The majority of my single women friends are looking for nice guys. For me I love a man that has manners, and is willing to get to know me beyond the physical. But Nice guys sometimes lose out on the chemistry factor. The best advice I can give a nice guy is to OWN IT. I once dated a guy who was very sweet. Yet there was no spark. I tried everything I could to like this guy, But I had to be honest with myself, I needed a man with more confidence than he had. But if you are a nice guy never loose that quality trust and believe that a woman who is willing and able, to except what you have to offer is going to come along. Gentlemen always finish first in my book.
Q: Secret sex tip every man should know about.
I recently wrote an article about this on my site, but to me the most important sex tip I included in my list, that I can give a man is to listen. A good Listener, pays attention to the small details. Although you may have some moves that you have perfected along the way, not every woman/man is the same. So the best way to know what your mate likes is to ASK THEM. Just as sure as your active listening skills are a good way to gauge a lover: another way is to pay attention to their non-verbal communication. If you are lucky enough to find yourself in an intimate situation, be attentive to the directions that your partner gives to let you know what is physically pleasing to them. I don’t care how stoic they are, if they are touched the right way, or if your partner does the correct thing, their body will respond. Your partner will tense up, try to get away or, moan or make a sound while you are in the act of intercourse or love play that more than likely means that she/he is enjoying it and therefore you should not move an inch. Stay exactly where you are, and keep doing what you are doing. On the flip side, if you are doing something that is NOT pleasing her/him UHHHMMM STOP. You would think that would be a very simple concept but you would not believe how some men don’t take their sexual cues from their partners.
Q: How you keep and decorate a home says a lot about a man. What are some bachelor pad must haves that will make a good first, second or overnight impression?
I can only speak from personal experience, but I like a man with a nice clean, well designed bathroom, and a great kitchen. I used to date a guy who, lived in a beautiful house but it was a bit messy, not dirty but definitely disorderly the first time I came over. The next time I came over, I noticed that he had the place cleaned for me. It showed me that he wanted to impress me, and that he cared what I thought about his home. A woman likes effort. When I’m dating someone new, they will never catch my house untidy. And don’t have your mother or sister help you design your space. Women smell other women in your design.
Q: How can a guy who’s not good at flirting get good?
Eye Contact. If you catch a woman’s gaze and hold it for a few seconds. She will smile back or look away. If she looks back at you and smiles, when there is an opening; Go over, introduce yourself, and tell her you think she’s beautiful. If she’s interested you will know it, and if she says she is involved with someone else. It could be the truth or a polite brush off but at any rate you should leave it alone. But remember what’s the most you could lose? Temporary embarrassment? but if she is interested trust me the gain far out weighs the risk.
Q: How can men who are attracted to “mean-girls” break the pattern?
The easiest way is to decide what the goal is. If your goal in the relationship is to look for a lasting love, someone who will be with you through thick and thin, a Mean Girl is probably not a good idea. Just ask yourself is this someone I want to raise my children, or tie myself to for the rest of my life and you will make different decisions, if you think of her in terms of what pursuing this relationship will in for the long run.
Q: Taboo topics in the getting to know you phase?
Leave out the un-pleasantries. Men/Women don’t need to know all of the dirty details of your whole life, or relationships past on your first few dates. I was recently watching a TV show and a woman told a man within the first few seconds of meeting him that she used to have an eating disorder. That probably was something she could have shared at a later date. When you first meet someone you should answer what is asked truthfully, and reveal only the important stuff that is relevant to the relationship.
Q: Signs that a woman/man is into you?
I wrote an article on my site for this as well, but I will pick some of my 3 favorite signs of when a man/woman is really into you. When your mate inquires about the mundane, to me it shows that they are into you. When they remember things that you told them in passing
If they are willing to come around you and your friends, Invite them to an event that you are going to. You know that for a man to be seen with a woman, in a social occasion means that not only are they seen with you but there are going to be seen by other people being seen with you.
This means at least for the moment that you are at the very least friendly. And if they are willing to sit next to grandma and listen to her stories of how she got it on back in 1842, he/she might very well be a keeper. Also if he invites you to a family thing. It is the unveiling and you are definitely in, but you didn’t need me to tell you that, but it depends on how closely he/she knows the people in attendance. Although any invite is definitely a good thing.
If you catch him glaring at you lovingly. I was at my dude’s house recently and I caught him watching me washing the dishes, I looked up and caught him and it was an almost uncomfortable look to the point it made me shoot my stupid smile at him you know the one that says “what?” With shoulders shrugged. In that moment I felt him almost saying to me, man I can see her like this again. When a man looks at you in a non sexual way, it is mostly because his feelings are coming into play. Watching me as I sleep playing with my hair, making little circles on my skin, are all indications to me that a man likes me.
Racking Up those Daytime Minutes. When a man only talks to you about your sexiness, and only wants to see you in the pm hours, it is because he is interested in a booty call. When he is engaged in you he wants to do whatever you want to do just to be with you. Making time is paramount to building a relationship. NON Sexual time. I say make time for intimate situations that don’t lead to sex even if you are already sexually active with that person.
A friend of mine told me a story of her dating her would-be husband, when she was going through a bout with leukemia. She told me that as she was going through the sickness of chemo, he would hold her hair for her while she tossed it, and although I haven’t experienced that kinda love it sounds like the real thing to me.
Q: Unfortunately, many men have no clue how to seduce a woman.
The best way to seduce me, is to lead with my mind. For women sex is mental, emotional and physical. So if you appeal to all of these things in a woman. Genuinely care for her and make her feel comfortable, as well as make her feel beautiful and desired. You are Half way there. And as I said before in my sex tip, make sure you pay attention to her non-verbal clues.
Q: How do you know when to give up on a relationship and break up?
If it no longer makes you happy, if you can’t find more than 5 things that you like about them. If the idea of them coming around makes you sad rather than happy it maybe time to let it go.
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