My facebook status read…immediately some of the men started to like and a few commented and one asked for me to elaborate… which I followed up with a comment about how there are some women whose selfish actions “ruin their men” and then I got this thoughtful comment left by a facebook Friend Sanjulo:
“ Nik there was a time when I would have cosigned on this. However I had to realize that I, at the time, ALLOWED a selfish ass woman to be selfish towards me. Instead of checking her raggedy ass, I let a lot slide. A lot of us fellas will thank you for the vent. But the real ones, such as myself, will say we made choices that made these woman feel it was ok to be selfish!! Real talk.”
And I agree with the comment but let me explain where I was coming from.
I was watching a tv show called Teen Mom, whom when I had the extreme pleasure of meeting Liz Gately the head of MTV’s programming I told her that I loved. I love this show 2 fold because it reminds me of the ignorance youth affords you, EXCEPT, when those mistakes impact your children, and because I see myself and soo many women I know in these girls. So on this particular episode there was a young man who was good at football, had a college scholarship and his girlfriend became pregnant.
His family was insistent that he get a DNA test so much so that they asked her to get one after purchasing a pharmacy test and presenting it to her at the dinner table. She stormed out and said that she knew who her baby’s father was and that was all that was important. This Good hearted but weak young man, stood by this decision. And then proceeded to give up his college scholarship to play ball to be with this young lady and this baby; Because he didn’t think it was the right thing to be away from them and of course it is what the young lady wanted.
I was ambivalent about my feelings on this subject. I remember a time when I was a young mother and my son’s aunt who after 2 meetings with me decided to take it upon herself and demand that I take a paternity test. And After I cursed her out via an 8 page letter (because I didn’t want to be misquoted) I had informed her that I had made 2 appointments for her brother to take the test because I had nothing to hide.
It is the right thing to do. There was a time where I had friends who used to feel offended when a man would ask to use a condom, as if it was some attack on her character. But in my wisdom I understand that it could say more about him, and the care he takes of himself than it is about me. Or it could be that He could know something that I don’t know, like his HIV status.
Why is it wrong for this man to want a DNA test? He was willing to give up his whole future possibly for nothing? But what really made me post the status was when the young lady did her update at the end of the show where she said she didn’t care if he went to school or not, she knew she was going to get her education. Maybe he could be a house husband or something as if it was a game.
As a mother I was struck by the selfishness of this child, because instead of allowing this young man to go to college, and potentially make it as a NFL player if he was extremely lucky and talented, or get his education which is invaluable to the future of himself and their daughter’s future. All she wanted was him to be with her above all else. That made me think she was the type of person who could do anything. Now I don’t know this young lady and maybe I was seeing what I wanted to see as a mother. But we as women need to start seeing the greater Good of our actions when we have children.
Then there is “I won the Lottery” a show I found right before I started to watch “Teen Mom.” In this episode there was a man who came home from jail, met him a lady played the lottery and hit it for about 3.5 million after taxes. He lived in a slum in Michigan, but of course after he hit it big he upgraded, and moved to the burbs for a better life for his family which included the lady friend and their 2 children. But then it was said that she never moved in with him, because she rather stay in the ghetto with her other 2 children from a previous relationship, and their 2 children because she didn’t want to inconvenience them and make them change schools? So to get this straight you rather educate your children in a ghetto in Michigan, which doesn’t boast the greatest school system in the world, to not inconvenience your KIDS???? SELFISH IGNORANT DECISION….
If I decided to talk about all of the ignorance I see women do around me I would have no time to converse about nothing else and I’m tired of the dumb bitchness. I recently heard that one of my former friends got married in jail to a man who beats her in front of her children. What are we giving the next generation. I also have a friend who left her husband and turned her children’s world upside down to be another man’s mistress. We have to start wanting more for ourselves and for our families. We need to sometimes think of “The Domino Effect” one of my writers Garland calls, It. It’s exhausting to watch these people make these disastrous decisions that affect the lives of those around them especially their children…