De-Bugging the Bug-A-Boo

One girls’ night, while clearly avoiding each and every obnoxious ring,  my phone alerted me to, my former college roommate grabbed my blackberry, read the name aloud and asked, “is he STILL calling you????”

This is followed by uncontrollable bursts of laughter- she literally laughed out loud.  Dismayed that she found such pleasure in my phone call lamentations, I sparked a convo with the girls– on how to eliminate a Bug-A-Boo.

My gal pals are all good people, but they are all individuals– and this statement is proven through the varying responses & advice they offer in this dilemma…

1.  Mind your manners.  Gracefully declining date invites and courteous responses to a nuisance suitor is your first line of defense.  I am an advocate of being polite…  However, clearly by their Bug-A-Boo nickname, these are not men or women who take your polite “no” as an answer.   For whatever reason, while you are saying “no,” they hear, “not yet- keep trying buddy.”  As such, I propose that if you really want him to stop hounding you– gracious rejection is NOT going to work.

2.  Change information, such as telephone numbers, email, physical address.  While this is a viable solution to cease a Bug-A-Boo’s contact efforts, it also cuts off the rest of your contacts.  Unless you are willing to inform everyone else you know about the new ways to reach you, each time you’re faced with a cling-on, you may not want to handle situations in this manner.  Further, if you’re a parent, I simply want to point out how important it is that your child(ren) know the correct ways to reach you.

3. Have a sudden relationship.  While I don’t encourage dishonesty, I completely abhor pestering– so as a means to an end, it may be feasible to tell Bug-A-Boo that you’ve worked it out with your ex, or have recently started seeing someone exclusively.   This may not completely stop them from contacting you or asking you out, but it definitely gives you an excuse to be unavailable.

4. Tell Em Off.  Even though I approve of being courteous, there may come a time when you have to unleash a chain of sharp-tongued-4-letter-words on a bug-a-boo to better relay your message.   You may need to bare your teeth and display some aggression- this establishes that you are indeed upset with his persistent actions, and that if he continues, your reactions will become more intense.  Do consider, however, his potential reaction to your choice of words– there’s no need to turn an interested bug-a-boo into a dejected stalker out for revenge.

5.  Ignore him.  In my opinion, this is probably the best course of action to take when de-bugging a bug-a-boo because it simply creates the distance needed to convey your disinterest.  Change their name in your contacts to Bug-A-Boo, or DNA (Do Not Answer) or some other clever way to remind you not to answer this particular call, and if possible assign a silent ringtone.  Don’t delete their info though- better for you to recognize a call you don’t want to answer than to answer an unrecognized number.

The most important action when choosing to simply ignore a Bug-A-Boo is to be consistent!!!

Don’t respond to the “haven’t spoken to you in a while, how are you doing?” texts– it sends a message that communication is acceptable, and he(she) will surely start back up with bugging you.

Don’t know if he’s a Bug-A-Boo?  Here’s a few common identifiers:

• Is much too persistent, asking you out repeatedly to the same “NO” answer
• Calls too often, completely oblivious to the idea that you might be busy
• Finds other methods of communication
• Actively engages in any other excessive & unwarranted contact

(Bug-A-Boos are not to be confused with certified stalkers– if you are being stalked, you need to contact your local authorities, or call the National Center for Victims of Crime Hotline at 1-800-FYI-CALL or visit www.ncvc.org/src ).