How Not to Be the Angry Black Bitch

For the Love Of God Don't Be Her..

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is going through a little love frustration and child I know I have been there.  It seems that although she is in what seems to be the ending of what facebook would categorize as a “complicated” relationship; she who is normally uninspired has found someone new who has peaked her interests.

talk to the hand...

After a few weeks of enjoying the witty banter and new-nesss of loveliness that is the infatuation stages of her relationship, it seems that the new car smell of this relationship is starting to wean. So as we are discussing the source of this day’s frustration namely being he hadn’t called her all day.  And She sure as hell wasn’t calling him because he didn’t call her, I asked her “What is your Goal Here?”

I think sometimes in relationships we don’t see the forest for the trees.  I know my goal at all times, even when I’m mad at my boo is to be with him…. And sometimes to get my way I have to eat a lot of sh*** I mean crow.

With the idea of the angry black woman lurking in the cobwebs of every black man’s mind it seems that in this day and age, whenever we try to address an issue with our men we are somehow seen as emasculating dominating, and disrespectful.

And sometimes before we even have a chance to address a valid issue, We assume that the man either hasn’t identified this behavior as a problem, that is causing his lady pain or is just a character flaw that although may have been tolerated and embraced in past relationships it is just not works for this particular girl.

When we try to do this we are sometimes met with a wall of resistance that is normally met with a tirade by a bunch of closed minded psychic men who think they know what you’re going to say before we even get a chance to get our point across.

So instead of getting mad here are my points to overcome the male prejudice of the Angry Black Female by trying to follow these simple steps.

Breathe

I think sometimes we get so frustrated with the situations in front of us, our initial reaction is to REACT.

Sometimes in order to put some perspective in a particular situation is to give yourself a chance to cool down about it.  If you give yourself a few minutes, hours or days, you might just realize what you were upset about was just a by product of you not getting your way and not so much a transgression on the man’s part.

I had a romantic weekend planned for my man, filled with nice hotel, and a lot of sexy oufits and dirty tricks and he called me with some mess about his Grandmother…HOW THE HELL CAN YOU FIGHT WITH A MAN ABOUT GRANDMA… So rather than getting mad at him, although I was pretty perturbed ( a snotty way of saying pissed the fuck off).  I swallowed my displeasure…. Sent him some angry (bratty, playing) texts.

And in the morning called him to tell him how I thought it was great that he put his Nana Ahead of the dirty nasty freaky things I was planning for him.

This way I let his mind wander about what he missed out on, I came off looking compassionate and caring and shit… and we’re all good.

Ask Yourself What is the Goal…

For my Friend she was frustrated first and foremost because of the lack of consistency with this dude, but she was also upset because she wasn’t getting her way.  So when I asked her what was it that would make her happy…She said that she wanted to spend time with him…hmmm ok…. so If you are a bitch to him when he finally calls you,  Do you think it would make him want to spend time with him or Not want to spend time with him?

If you keep your eye on the goal at all times it will help you to blow off the small stuff and then allow you to get your way.

She kept saying to me that her pride wasn’t gonna allow her to call him. And I didn’t tell her that she should,  but I did ask her if her pride was more important than getting her way.. Because for me I try not to allow my pride to get in the way of me getting my way.  I like getting my way above all.

Argue in the Nude…

This one is thanks to my jump off who told me a darling story about testimony having something to do with Roman courts and testicles and saying that a man can’t lie in the nude…uhm I don’t believe that.

But I do think it’s hard for a man to argue with a butt naked woman.  There’s nothing more feminine, and disarming than a woman in the buff.   Now I’m not sure if he will listen clearly to whatever your complaints are ass… I mean as, the blood is rushing from his head, to his nether regions, you won’t seem as argumentative if you say it either before or after sex.

And don’t start by telling him what he did wrong start by telling him how what he did made you feel. In her case that she felt like he didn’t want to speak to her because he didn’t call her all day.  And for the love of all that is holy if you argue in the nude..make sure this is a small argument and not about something real…

Never Ever Address it in a Text

I told you already how I feel about conver-texting…it’s a no no…the chances of you getting your point across in the way that you intended it in a text is slim and none.

You can neither read emotions nor sarcasm through a text message.

And the chances of you coming off as a bitch is highly likely if you choose to communicate displeasure this way.  The best way to address issues with men is in person.

Men are people too and most of the time they know what their flaws are…so they don’t need us to point them out ad nauseum, but we do have to learn the best way to address the issues is in a non-confrontational way.

Pick your battles

OMG If I argued with my dude for every stupid ass dumb thing he ever did I would’ve killed him or broken up a long time ago. The best thing to do sometimes is to not sweat the small stuff. I know a lot of women who will pick a scab into a cancer.  If it is a small thing and something you can live without commenting on just let it go.

Get Some Shut the Fuck Up-ness

Not everything deserves a comment, or critique from you.

Get some…Uhm well this is self explanatory.  No one is perfect and if you had a mate that always pointed out all of your flaws. Would this be the person you’d want to be around all the time. I know I’d run away from his ass with the quickness.

Think about it this way,  If You give everyone you know a piece of your mind what would you have left?

Now I’m not saying you won’t argue the old fashion way, but for the love of God, learn how to argue in a responsible way.

Never ever go for the jugular every time you are stabbing him with your words, unless your goal is to kill the relationship.  And To the men forwarding this article to their girlfriends and Wives your dumb asses would learn a lot from this article to…Make no mistakes about it I’m still an angry black woman but I’m just beginning anger management so don’t cross me. : )