Even When It Hurts
Sunday, 24 January 2010 20:07 | 
Written by The Single Girl | 
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Written by The Single Girl | | |
Even When It Hurts
"If I handed you the world, it wouldn't be enough. You have to know what you want in order to appreciate what you get."
Relationships are a tricky dynamic in themselves, we often confuse love with lust. Even take advantage of the affections from the one who cares most about our well-being. It's funny sometimes we lose ourselves in the very person who doesn't appreciate us, nonetheless it's more hurtful when your are no longer the person you were. It seems like what you use to do is no longer good enough, you're no longer acceptable now they want a new version!? The truth is when you look in the mirror no longer seeing yourself but who you have become through suggestions not of your own. That's when you have to make a decision of what's more important to you, them or your own self worth. One must know their true value in order to make that decision. It's very easy to become so wrapped up into that other person that you lose yourself and all control.
It's seems like no matter what you do for them you, can't get it right, yet they still want you to give more and more, without giving anything of themselves in return.
The most common mistake we make is thinking that we can change someone! We feel that sometimes if we could just be good enough, somehow become more devoted, or just showed a little more understanding that they will come around. However the truth is that no matter what you do unless that person is willing to make the same steps as you, will never be enough to give from them if they aren't willing to give you anything in return. Your time is being wasted on a individual who doesn't understand your true worth. However most men and women will test the limits believing that you'll be around no matter what even when it hurts.
Many will play games even hesitate in giving you a commitment because they know you'll be there.
"The Reserve" - the one that they know will be there. You're the one that has all the qualities of being the one, however they aren't ready to make that move. However they don't want to lose you so they do just enough to keep you hanging on, give you just enough to keep you interested.
"The Gambler" - now this one is hard because they will take all the risk to get what they want. They will sacrifice it all under the impression it's worth it in the end. They think that if they could just change this, or change that then you'll come around. Well we all know, that when you gamble there are no guarantees and you lose just for trying when the hand is dealt by a crooked dealer.
A wise man once told me " A man is complicated when he's been hurt, it's hard for him to give when he's never been given. In addition to that it's hard to understand him when you give him everything and he's giving nothing." That just means in simple terms that it's hard fixing someone that's never been given a chance. The idea of someone doing something for them without the request or backhanded desire of something in return.
A man who is always disappointed will always look for disappointment even when you don't fail him. He'll find a way that you do or create a situation when you have no choice but too.
"Broken Hearted Girl" - now she's been hurt so many times in every way possible that when a good man comes along she waits for him to hurt her. He's been the best to her but she's not willing to give in because she believes the minute she does the fairytale is over. Is is fair to make him pay for another? The mistakes aren't his but he's being punished.
The past is just that and you have to learn that experiences are just that learn from them and move on. The fact of the matter is so many relationships fail because they are never given a real chance. Many take old relationship baggage into new relationships and base old fears on new circumstances. Love is complicated enough but when you only see pain in front of yours eyes you're are blinded to the possibility of true happiness.
It's impossible to be anything you aren't, but you must love yourself first before trying to commit to loving someone else. The biggest mistakes we make is trying to live up to someone else's expectations when they don't fit their own. If you continue that way you will find your nights filled with tears filled pillows, while the object of your affection is half way across town doing wrong. Meanwhile you are giving 100%, going out of your way to make them happy doing all you can to make it work. and They are giving you 20% and really think their doing something!
Not to mention the fact they feed you lies after lies and you just eat then up! Do you rather smile through your tears, with pain in your heart or let it go? When it hurts and all the solutions have been considered, that's when you have to let go and walk away! I rather be by myself then dating someone and find myself always alone wondering where the HELL they are? Reality is, everything takes work and energy, so if your not willing to tell the person upfront, be honest with them. More important be honest with yourself don't let anyone become some much to you that you don't matter anymore.
Comments (3)
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2010-01-27 02:03:37 |71.188.184.xxx| Toya P
Standing Ovation! this was so right on ...it was scary. There's an honest that is hard to digest, yet soothes the soul. I thank you for this!
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2010-01-27 02:26:09 |69.245.197.xxx| Tennille Bright
that is deep and Toya is right...you are the ish! man. loved it and I will have to read more..you have me wanting to read all...thanks Toya
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2010-01-27 04:11:11 |24.186.69.xxx| La Toya J - La Toya J.
Excellent. Everything you discussed needs to be shared with so many Men and Women. Life is NOT about struggling only to reap no reward. If you can build together, while remaining healthy overall continue. If not, it's time to LET Go and Trust God will bring what you need.
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